Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The bitter or better half?
Since it's the heart month, February, I decided to dedicate my first blog of the month on relationships.
I am not THE expert nor AN expert on relationships. But I am simply sharing a piece of my mind on this.
There is no perfect relationship. There are many reasons why we end up with the one we share our life with currently. In this life, we all search for happiness.
From infancy to childhood, we look at the nurturing capacity of our parents and relatives. Our adolescent period is actually a struggle between dependence on material needs from our family and independence from their emotional baggage. It is the latter that we actually struggle from on our road to creating relationships with others - friends, peers, or lovers.
There is that first love or love at first sight or the eternal love. Whichever category you fall in, most of us (and I am the expert on this matter), search for THE ONE true love.
For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...till death do us part.
Which of these do we really adhere to? Some of us perhaps are bound by the piece of paper called marriage. At times, getting stuck in a rut or a relationship that sucks because of marriage can actually be detrimental not only to the couple but to the children that are caught in the eye of a stormy relationship. It is unhealthy to raise children in a relationship where parents see each others as enemies. There is no love at all. Hate is all that is shared.
In this age where same sex relationship is tolerated (or accepted) by societies, the same principle holds true. While same-sex marriage is not approved (in most countries), same-sex relationship ironically is likewise in search of the "happily ever after" endings as well.
It is human nature to want to be happy. It is human nature to want to be loved.
Unfortunately, our love stories are not like movies that have either happy endings or tragic ones. The movie puts a period in the imagination of the viewer. But the stories are real events in each of our lives, hence the storyline for romance films.
When my friends ask my for advice, I provide unbiased professional opinions after balancing each side. Of course, we will always be biased to who our friends are, but seriously, I provide good advice.
There are three cardinal rules I preach and follow when getting involved in a relationship.
1. Never get involved with the people you work with
2. Never get involved with people who are married or are already in a relationship
3. Never get involved with the people who work for you
People say that love comes from the most unexpected places. But one does not have to look desperate when searching for love. Love on a rebound, love by destroying other relationships on the brink of destruction, love for the sake of lust...these are the kind of relationships that will never last and will never bring happiness.
A relationship is borne on trust and respect. You need to respect the other person and be accountable for your actions. You need to trust each other and openly discuss faults and gains so that you can share each others weaknesses and not only each others strengths. A relationship involves two people, who not only love each other, but respect each other. The strength you draw from each other is tested at the most unexpected times...and it counts that both of you grow from the bond you have formed.
Which is why I've always loved this line when it comes to saying goodbye...which actually means that you've both said goodbye to all the pain and trials a relationship goes through.
there are days when I close my eyes and wonder why...a tear sometimes rolls down softly on my cheek and I wonder why...then a smile on my face tells me, now I know why...perhaps you've found happiness...and that's all that matters to me. Then I know that it's time...to say...goodbye...
And when you let the other go because he or she has found happiness, you too will realize that there will be closure in your own search for true happiness.
Think about it - Are you the bitter or the better half?
p.s. It's an old song...but listen to the lyrics...it shares so much of oneself in the search of love and happiness...