My Good Friday

It was all planned out. Holy Thursday would be a day with Inang. The day before, we talked about going to seven churches in the area, out of tradition, for the stations of the cross. Early Thursday morning, she was feeling dizzy. It worsened throughout the day. Her blood pressure was fluctuating too. The dizzy feeling did not want to stop except when she lay down still. I sedated her, but when the Valium wore off, she would feel the whole room spinning and spinning and spinning...

Towards the afternoon, she wasn't getting any better and started asking God, why her? What has she done wrong? Why was it her sacrifice to bear? Towards the evening, I had shifted her to new medications and she did not seem to improve. As a matter of fact, she thought of dying and was asking God if this was her exit plan in this world?

When it is someone you love so dearly, you cannot help but feel helpless during times like these. It was painful to see her cry and beg for the spinning to stop. But there was not much I could do. Or anyone else for that matter. I could not help but stare at a frail woman who had so much faith and devotion to God, crumble before my very eyes. And I could not help shed some tears as she literally begged to die.

During those agonizing moments, I remember that she had sent me a text message the day before, that read "Every time I begin to feel that there isn't enough strength left in me, I end up knowing that there's more in Him. God sustains us...".


I slept beside her the whole evening. Praying that she would be better when I wake up. Assuring her that I am here by her side and with her in her trials during this time of illness. It was strange because I have not slept beside her in years. She woke up in the middle of the night and I was staring at her and she murmured, "why are you here? I thought you'd be sleeping in your room."

"Not tonight", I replied. "Close your eyes and get some rest. I'm just here." And she had drifted off to sleep once more.

Every one has his share of Good Fridays. We bear our crosses and we are lucky if we have a Simon of Cyrene to help us carry the burden. I pray that she recovers soon. Prayers are all that is left in my vocabulary at this point.

When push comes to shove, we realize that we humble ourselves and prostrate before God, begging Him for divine intervention.

Today, all I can do is wait for my mom's Easter Sunday.

Lenten sacrifice

Ash Wednesday officially ushered the season of Lent in the Roman Catholic calender. Of course, it was a time to reflect on the passion and death of Jesus Christ. Ash Wednesday was a holy day of obligation. Catholics, which comprise around 80% of the total Philippine population's religion flocked to churches. Some to celebrate mass and begin the 40 days reflection on the lenten season. Others to have simply ashes crossed on their forehead.

It was a day of fasting and abstinence. For those who had received their first holy communion and those less than 60 years old, fasting was required, unless there are medical conditions that will impede this obligation. Abstinence from meat was mandatory for all.

Ironic was the fact that at the university, most of the medical and nursing students that had their foreheads crossed with ashes were having hotdogs, tapa, tocino, longganiza right after the morning mass. Dang!!!! The abstinence from meat on a Friday of each holy week is optional. This can be substituted for some other form of abstinence. But not on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. These are two days of the liturgical year that mandates obligatory abstention from meat. The church proposes that since people are into so much high tech stuff, we abstain from using the mobile form (in any form - text or call) every Friday for the holy week. The uproar came from the youth! No way Jose!

Back in the face of our church leaders. If they can't abstain from meat on the Fridays of lent, what more parting with text and call from mobile phones. Or better yet, no internet or laptop or computer usage on all Fridays of lent?

Let's face it. Many have lost the meaning of the words LENT and SACRIFICE. Sad, but true. And farcically, the church goers just trek to church not to really participate in mass but to grudgingly show-off like the Pharisees that they are "holier than though". My partner was right. If you're not really into the spirit, you don't need to show off what you don't take seriously.

Pharisees in modern times - they are aplenty and they're found around every corner of this predominantly Catholic country. Crucify them!!!!!!!!!!