The storms in our lives

Just when you think that life is treating you well, there comes a point when all begins to just cave in.

It can be the loss of a loved one, losing a job, being betrayed by a close friend or your better half, losing your savings or home due to catastrophic events of nature, a victim of criminal offense, or even just plain injustice in the work place or school.

We all fall into circumstances when even having to wake up to a brand new day becomes laborious and painful. No one is exempted from this feeling. It is a fact of life. No one ever said that everything we have comes in a silver platter.

Some had to experience pain before becoming who they are today. Take Manny Pacquiao and Charice Pempengco as basic examples. Both uneducated, they had their own life stories and fought their battles well. Success, they say, comes to those who wait. And while patience is a virtue, it is undeniable that life, sometimes, can be a bitch.

Reality is that in this world, there will always be two players - the protagonist and the antagonist. In Filipino, we call this BIDA and CONTRABIDA. I mean, really, life would be such a bore if everyone would be winners! You'd just have neighbors with BMWs and Audis and Jaguars trying to outdo each other with who has the most money! If everyone had money, who would be our household help? It would mean that even Inday would be earning P1Million a month just to clean your home and she too would be rich!

Or if everyone was pretty and handsome. What do we do with the fat, ugly and pudgy people? Incinerate them?

There is nothing fair in this world. And if we remain cynical rather than facing reality, then we lose finding ourselves in the process. They say that "to one's life some rain must fall". The challenges life poses is not just "making it through the rain" but to the rainbow after the rain and emerge as a better, and stronger person.

I believe in karmas. And while life may not be fair to us today, some people who've remained oppressors will get their day of reckoning. After all, you can't be always on top. Sometimes, you'll need to hit rock bottom to appreciate the climb.

The storms in our lives should teach us to become better and not bitter persons. Only then can we appreciate and enjoy the calm after each storm.

Moments

I heard that line from Simon Cowell in various elimination rounds of American Idol. Oprah calls it our Ahah! days. Whatever term you coin for it, it's what it is - a stupendously thrilling event that makes our day.

Each time we step up to a task, we have our moments. I recently gave a lecture at the Renal Transplant Convention held at the Crowne Plaza and I received an excellent review. Some of my previous professors and colleagues were in the audience. To have them come up to me after the talk and provide positive feedback was a moment that impressed on me. Mind you, this was not a large a crowd as in my previous lectures. There were just about 60 or so subspecialists in the audience. My largest crowds have been bigger plenaries and conventions and my last performance prior to this talk was the Philippine Academy of Family Physicians where I gave a short lecture to 1,800 doctors at the World Trade Center.

Which goes to the point of this short blog.

"Moments" do not come to us on a silver platter. We make those moments and those Ahah scenarios. Every time we step up to the plate in anything we do - big or small, menial or gargantuan - we need to give our best.

In anything we do, there is that "moment" that we can showcase our best. It's why it is called our shining moment. It must not only be when we need to show off to a larger crowd what we can do. It is when we give our all, our best, even in the smallest group or task we do that makes that moment glitter and is well remembered.

Then there are those forgetful or forgotten events - either intentionally or because of the aging process. We call it our "senior moments". I, however, believe that there are no senior moments.

I am what you would call someone who multitasks. I am spread so thin with all my social, business and family commitments that I require a balancing act with them. In all my years, I have learned that part of making those moments meaningful is making sure that these commitments are kept.

It is a process called maturity which refines the very core of every individual.

And defines us as a person who earns respect from our colleagues.

Several years back, I was invited by Dr. Tony Dans to give a plenary talk on the relationship between the pharmaceutical industry and physicians. Having to deliver a lecture on this controversial topic to captains of the industry and foreign delegates was one of the most nerve-wracking moment in my life.

At the end of the talk, I received a standing ovation and I was so moved that I could never forget this defining moment in my life.

What struck me was that it was not only a life-turning event for me, but for the many more in the audience whose views I changed, whose paradigm has shifted, because of my shining moment.

It's moments like these that make me proud that in spite of all the temptations to gain more ground and popularity and financial remuneration, there is no tag price at maintaining my dignity in exchange for being "politically correct".

And it's not only lecture circuits that amps my moments. Even in the kids that I see in my clinic or the day-to-day relations with friends and colleagues, or the difficult referrals that I need to co-manage with colleagues and how to deal with their families, these are moments in my life that I will always treasure. The satisfaction you get out of these is the ultimate high.

Each day, each action, each decision - should be a decisive yet memorable moment for everyone. It is, after all, our final performance each time we step up to these opportune times.

At the end of my life, I would have said to myself that I ran the race and reached the finished line. And I will be remembered for all these moments I have shared with all who mattered most to me.

Have you had your defining Ahah moments too?

Why me?

That's a familiar statement that we make.

And it seems that each time we're in a rut, or don't get what we pray for, or get by passed during a promotion, or end up being broken hearted - we ask the proverbial question - WHY ME?

Failing seems to be an anathema in our lives. Worst part of it is that many (if not all of us) pray so hard that not getting an answer to our requests through prayers does not come well for those that don't get what they pray for. Why me? we ask...and then we lose our faith.

Rewind.

In 1983, I almost lost it all. From the time I stepped into kindergarten, I knew I was intelligent. Straight A student, top of the class, top of the heap, Dean's lister, gold medalist, you name it, you've got it.

During the oral revalida for my final year in medical school, my tribunal thought I did poorly. In a class of 400 students, I was the only one in my class that failed. It was devastating. My parents would not see me graduate.

Tatay had always wanted me to be a doctor. It was not part of my plan in life. But we compromised. I finished my mathematics degrees, and went into med school. And I saw Tatay and Inang scrimp to the very last centavo. Even when I found med school utterly boring and brainless, I did my best to make sure that my parents would see a doctor in the family. We were not poor. But we were not rich either. And every centavo counted. It came from blood, sweat, and tears.

I did not want to disappoint my parents.

I did not want to disappoint myself.

It was the year that I wanted to die. After the miserable failure, I swore never to go back to med school. I smoked 2 packs of cigarette a day. Didn't want to eat or get out my bedroom. Cried all day and all night. I was up all night asking God - Why me? Of all the idiots in the class - why me? Of all the nights I was up bringing parts of the cadaver home or poring through voluminous chapters of Biochemistry, Pharmacology, Medicine, Anatomy, Neurology....why me?

I gave up my social life. My love life. My sex life. My night life. Anything that had to do with life and the life thereafter, I gave it all up. Why me?

One week after feeling shitty and sorry for myself and my parents feeling bad about "forcing" me into med school, a good friend told me that "I deserved to fail". It's people like who make the worst doctors. And the tribunal was right in their decision. How I accept that decision, would be my fate...and mine alone. Seven days later, I walked back into the emergency room for my pediatrics duty. Everyone burst into a loud clap. And life would never be the same again.

Fast forward.

Why not me?

These are the words that rarely come out of us. We think that the world owes us everything. Even in prayers, it is always the I and rarely the WE. And when we do not seem to get what we wish for, we are full of anger. We forget the good graces and opportunities we have been given. We are disappointed and we feel abandoned.

I blog about this today, because a very special person in my life is depressed over the "why me" situation. If she is reading this blog today, I can only tell her that life is never fair. For every sunshine, there will always be rain. For good times, there will always be bad.

There are moments when we are at our lowest. We have no friends, no family, practically no one to turn. Or that even the most comforting of words will not drown our sorrows. But it's alright. We have the right to feel this way. Even if our prayer is not answered today, I have found out that God has given me a trial that I needed to surpass on my own, so that I can always remember my crucifixion...die a little...my resurrection...and say why not me?