Monday, February 9, 2009

Pinoy Jokes...

They say that laughter is the best medicine.

I'm not into so much humor but receiving a text now and then from some friends on some jokes is indeed heartwarming and destressing!

Now I'm passing it on to those who follow my blog. Unusual as it may seem - it's JOKE TIME!

1. Advantage and disadvantage ng may asawa...advantage: pag kailangan mo nandiyan agad...disadvantage: pag ayaw mo na, nandiyan pa rin!

2. Bakit ang Pinoy, hindi tama sumagot maski maayos ang tanong?
- Kumain ka na? Sagot: Busog pa ko.
- Nandiyan ba nanay mo? Sagot: Bakit po?
- Anong oras klase mo? Sagot: Mamya
- Saan kayo galing? Sagot: Lumabas lang
- Paano mo ginawa yan? Sagot: Madali lang
- Bakit wala ka kahapon? Sagot: Absent ako
- Anong oras na? Sagot: Maaga pa
- Saan ka na? Sagot: Malapit na ko, wait lang sabay tayo!

3. Buhay may asawa...
Umaga: Laba damit
Tanghali: Sampay damit
Hapon: Tiklop damit
Gabi: Plantsa damit
Hatinggabi: Hubad damit
Madaling araw: Hanap damit

4. Humingi ng sorry si Dr. Hayden kay Dra. Vicky..."It's a short affair lang daw with Katrina". In short, gusto niya lang tikman ang lasa ng "Lechon de Leche" at i-compare sa lasa ng "paksiw".

5. From Wall Street:
Business forecast for 2009: The financial situation will be so bad that men will have more sex with their own WIVES! (Too bad for the mistresses..)

6. Lady to fortune teller: I have two suitors but I can't decide whom to marry. Who's the lucky one?
Fortune teller: One will marry you. The other, the Lucky One!

7. Double standards of terms!
If rich ka, you have ALLERGY, if poor, you have GALIS.
Pag poor, SIRA ULO. Among the rick, NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
If dark brown skin ang yaya - NEGRITA. Ang amo - MORENA kahit mas maitim pa sa yaya.
MALANDI if dukhang alembong, LIBERATED if rich.
PETITE for the high society. Sa poor, PANDAK.
Pag well-off, SLOW LEARNER. BOBO pag pobre.
The socialite is called SLIM. The poor PAYATOT.
Kung mahirap KUBA. Pero pag rich, SCOLIOTIC.

8. MIRIAM: Erap, alam mo lesbian ako...
ERAP: Ano ba ang lesbian?
MIRIAM: I love to kiss, embrace, undress and make love to sexy girls.
ERAP: Ah ganun ba? Lesbian din pala ako...

9. ANAK: Itay, bakit umuungol si inay kagabi? May sakit siya?
ITAY: Wala anak. Maligaya lang siya...
ANAK: Ibig mong sabihin gabi-gabi siyang masaya nung nasa Saudi ka pa?

10. Economics teacher: "Class, give me an example of a complete business failure due to negligence?"

Student: "A pregnant prostitute!"

11. A young couple went to a sex therapist and asked, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzed but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with your intercourse" and charged P300. This happened for weeks. Finally, the doctor asked, "What exactly is your problem?" The man replies, "she's married, and I'm married so we can't use our houses. Shangri-la is P7500, Mandarin is P6000, Victoria Court is P1500, and Sogo is P500. Here we pay P300 and get P250 back from Philhealth."

and my all time favorite...

12. After having sex, the girl kept on touching the genital of the guy. Boasting, he asks the girl, "You want more?". The girl replies, "Nope. There's just something I miss (while still stroking his penis gently)." The guy retorts, "Who?, your ex-boyfriend?". With a sigh, she replies back, "no silly....I used to have one like this..."

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