How do you solve a problem like Manila?

It's the Christmas rush. What better place to be peeved than in the roads of Metro Manila. Ho ho ho!!! Even Santa Claus would have a nightmare trying to get Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph to land safely without having to smash through some squatters' shanty in Manila.

Yes my dear Virginia, there is no urban planning in the Philippines. I don't think there is a local government official that even has the brains or the balls to consider urban planning as his major platform in trying to make the city they govern liveable. As Filipinos, we reap what we sow and ho ho ho...a jolly joke to us all when we get caught in the nightmare of traffic (and this is all year round) or flooding (and this is scary because just a few raindrops and we're inundated) or fire (and this is not a laughing matter because most of the houses in the city are virtual fire traps), we point the blame at our government officials.

I decided to write this blog at the back of my car, while my driver is getting frustratingly irritated at the traffic in the Metro. In short, here are my unsolicited ideas on how to decrease the traffic in Metro Manila (or should I say, the Philippines):

1. Let's build a sky on EDSA! So the skyway has eased traffic going the south and north of the metro. Thanks to the skyway, but at whose expense? Obviously, it's the average Juan de la Cruz who forks out the costs on this short, but expensive skyway. As a matter of fact, traveling from Buendia to Alabang has been a breeze - takes less than 10 minutes if you take the skyway or 20 minutes if you take the at-grade road below. But you also spend $3.50 for the 16.5 km stretch (or about $0.21 or P9.00 per kilometer) - the most expensive toll fee in the world. But the toll ways is profitable - for both the government (because Kim Henares will not have to worry about tax collection any longer) and the private sector (because it's a one time investment for the builders and it's a one-armed slot machine money making venture all the way thereafter). Imagine - EDSA is about 24 km long. At $0.25 per kilometer they can charge $6 (P261.00) per way from the Heritage Hotel in Pasay City to Monumento in Caloocan City. My simple take is this - you can afford a car, you can afford to pay the road fees however extravagant they may be. The only thing here is where to put the skyway. Higher than the current MRT of course! This can be the next wonder of the world for the Philippines! We will look aesthetically the worst in the world but who the hell cares? It's the Philippines and we're third world anyway.

2. Paradigm shift for MMDA and traffic enforcers. It's about time these pathetic leeches who are inconsequential to the work force except for bribery techniques be vanquished from the face of EDSA or anywhere in the world. Instead of REALLY working to ease traffic congestion, these lackeys congregate with their peers (talk about the literal meaning of "highway robbers"). So here's the take - with the number coding scheme enforced in the Metro Manila area, the robbers...este enforcers...do just that...rob...este enforce the number coding. They run after the private cars. Even if the damn jeeps and buses and tricycles and pedicabs load and unload in prohibited zones AND IN FRONT OF THEIR VERY EYES, they turn a blind eye on this. It makes your blood boil when you see that the root cause of traffic is the fact that these supposed robbers...este enforcers are NOT doing their jobs. Like a horse with blinders on, they just look one way and steal the other way. They're practically busy chatting on the cellphone or texting to God knows who and scamper away when it rains like Gremlins afraid to multiply. What peeves me is that their bosses also turn a blind eye on this problem! NO MMDA HAS EVER ENFORCED DISCIPLINE IN ITS RANKS! For the very love of God - your president PNOY has the slogan - ANG TUWID NA DAAN! PUTANG INANG BAYAN ITO...ASAN ANG TUWID NA DAAN KUNG BALUKTOT ANG DAAN NG MGA LANGGAM? (tsk tsk tsk...lonely battle cry for PNoy). They can keep their jobs but REMOVE THE NUMBER CODING SCHEME so that they focus on what is essential.

3. Let's play KILL THE JAYWALKER. Fueled by the violence of video games, here's one in real life. Never mind the bleeding hearts of the people at the Commission on Human Rights - jaywalking is a crime! And punishable by law! I have never understood this country. We paint so many streets with pedestrian lanes, build so many elevated pedestrian walkways, seriously place barbed wires or high fences in the middle of the road so that these pesky jaywalkers use the right place to cross the streets YET they insist on crossing the road at the point of "most convenience". Never mind if they have to play tag with the oncoming ten-wheeler or if they have to jump over the wired fences (even if you place a high voltage wiring, I'm sure these idiots will find a way to get across them) - they're like the Nike advertisement - JUST DO IT! If you ran over them, it's still the drivers fault (they call it involuntary manslaughter due to reckless imprudence.) If the government came out with a law to the effect that "motorists who run over people that are caught jaywalking or who cross the streets in NON PEDESTRIAN lane zones will be rewarded accordingly: P100,000 for every senior citizen run over, P200,000 for all adults 18-59 years old, and P500,000 for everyone under 18 years old", I'm quite sure that NO ONE will jaywalk anymore. We can alway have a test case and see how that works. Let's just say "MAY PABUYA ANG NAGMAMANEHO PAG NAKASAGASA NG JAYWALKER!" Game ON!!!!

4. No additional public utility vehicles. I don't care if the jeepney is the national symbol of transportation in the Philippines. I don't even give a f*ck who Sarao is. But if there are public transportations I loathe, they are the jeepneys and tricycles. I don't also give a f*ck if the tricycle can house 30 people in one travel. I also don't give a sh*t about the jeepney being colorful and extraordinarily gay and rowdy! Finally, I don't give a damn if the jeepney drivers don't have a job because they don't have a jeep. My line of thinking is simple - jeepney, tricycle and pedicab drivers make up less than 0.5% of the workforce in this country. They don't pay taxes and they don't contribute to the growth of the Philippine economy. They violate so many traffic rules and regulations and are inconsequential in the life of the average Juan de la Cruz. The jeepneys they drive are major pollutants and they only bribe emission testing centers to make their pathetic tin can motored vehicles run on the road. There should be a project on the part of the government to decrease the life expectancy of these jeepneys. For example, in 2012 those jeepneys ending in plate numbers 1 and 2 will not be re-registered by the LTO any longer (like the K12 program by the DepEd). Then in 2013 those ending in plate numbers 3 and 4. In 2014 those ending in plate numbers 5 and 6 and so on and so forth until all the jeepneys are gone in 2016. And an accelerated program for tricycles - all ending in odd numbers will not be allowed to be re-registered in 2012 and all even numbers in 2013. And a full phase pullout of pedicabs in June 2012. Oh how wonderful and happy this country would be!!! Oh joy oh joy oh pure joy!!! There will no more chaos on the streets and road rage would be minimized. We can send the jeepney, tricycle and pedicab drivers to Afghanistan, Pakistan, Uzbekistan, Kazhakstan, and whatever -tan you can think of!

5. Burn all the SM malls. I have nothing against the SM malls itself. While they cater mostly to the C, D and E class, they're also situated in the worst areas of the metro. They're right in the heart of the traffic choke points. These Henry Sy malls shouldn't even be in the areas where they are. This shopping complex is the perfect example of an urban planner that probably got his degree paying his way (or giving his teachers gifts just to pass) for good grades in college and was able to put up his business using grease money. Sanamagan! And they rise up faster than ants building a molehill. Let's face it, if you pulverize these SM malls (except the Mall of Asia) to the ground, traffic will cease by 30%. All local government units must be allowed only ONE SM MALL each. Which means that there should be only ONE SM MALL in Manila, ONE SM MALL in Alabang, ONE SM MALL in Las Pinas, etc. And all the SM Malls should be located inside a village. There should be NO direct access to the main roads. Kidding aside, when I asked a 7 year old patient of mine what the national park of the Philippines is, his answer was - SM! Ewan! I almost slapped the mother (who was terribly happy with the WRONG ANSWER of her son. And we wonder why they needed to add one more year of schooling to the grade school children. Sheesh...).

Come to think about it, the problem with traffic in the Philippines is not that is has NO urban planning. It's the fact that these little towns and cities are so politicized that they local government officials feel and think they have their own kingdoms and do as they wish. I guess even PNoy with his last remaining hurrah will not be able to solve a problem like Manila.

But I challenge PNoy and his cabinet of merry men. Instead of yakking on CJ Corona, please, do something that challenges even the smallest of balls or brains.

Number coding in the Philippines

I have always been a stern believer that only stupid people can come up with stupid ideas.

And it takes a multitude of indescribably inept nincompoops mired in corruption to come to agree.

The number coding scheme is one such stupid idea.

In 1995, then Metro Manila Development Authority chair Prospero Oreta signed MMDA Regulation No. 95-001 which aimed to reduce the volume of vehicles in Metro Manila. The idea here was to reduce traffic by reducing the number of vehicles plying the metropolis. The original program, which began December 1, 1995 prohibited vehicles with plate numbers ending in ODD numbers from plying major thoroughfares on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and cars whose plate numbers ended in EVEN numbers on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays during the rush hours - 7:00-9:00 AM and 5:00-7:00 PM. There were a few exemptions then (ambulances, government vehicles, registered school buses, diplomatic vehicles), including cars that carried two or more passengers. The latter was done to encourage car pooling.

For public utility vehicles, the original plan was to make them color their roofs with a particular color so that it is easily recognized when they should or should not be seen on the road. Hence, it was also called the color coding scheme.

While the strategy may have worked to probably some degree at reducing the number of vehicles on the road, the original idea was more practical and did not usurp on the rights of the citizen who owns a car.

Over the years, the original plan of the MMDA was rewritten by idiots who replaced Mr. Oreta.

Today, this has had its own version called the Unified Vehicular Volume Reduction Program. And the original scheme has been replaced by so many versions. There are some cities in the metropolis that adapt this scheme, while others don't. On the other hand, EDSA alone carries with it the number coding scheme for a particular window hour, which means that from 9 AM - 3 PM, cars with plate numbers that are banned on those days can use EDSA. But this can be tricky because if you're "number coded" that day and would like to travel from say Paranaque to Makati and will traverse EDSA at 1 PM but will have to hit Makati, well well well, welcome to the City of the Binays. In Makati, there is no such thing as an exemption to the rule!

The number coding is confined to Metro Manila alone. Which means that if your car's plate number ends in 1 & 2 you cannot use the roads from 7AM to 7PM on Mondays; 3 & 4 on Tuesdays; 5 & 6 on Wednesdays; 7 & 8 on Thursdays; 9 & 0 on Fridays. This tyrannical idea had evolved from what was once a more justifiable concept that the vehicle reduction program be confined only to rush hours to a stupid, inane, idiotic, brainless, machiavellian, ridiculous, mind-boggling, corruption-tainted program which government officials insist on carrying on. From one idiotic MMDA chair to the next!

What I do not get is why the private sector (and now the public) has to suffer continuously at this medieval attitude of implementing a rule that has no factual basis at all. The MMDA screams that a study done by the University of the Philippines has shown that there are too many private cars clogging the metropolis. So does that mean that we have to reduce the number of vehicles drastically to the point where even the tax payer is deprived of use of his own vehicle because a study says so? Perhaps we should just go ahead and say that everyone from the University of the Philippines should not own a car. Period. That way we would have reduced the number of cars on the road as well, since the study came from their end.

So it results in having to buy an extra car or not use your car and take a public vehicle for the day you're number coded. Unfortunately, we're not all PNoys who can afford to buy a Porsche as a hobby car. We save our hard earned cash for the extra cost of gasoline which we need to shoulder. We need to take the unreliable public transportation system because we are number coded for the day. We resort to swapping plate numbers of cars so that we can use our car on the days we are number coded. We put fake MD signs on the plates of cars so that we are exempted from the number coding scheme. We bribe the traffic enforcer P100 so that we can get away with having to get harassed over using our cars during the number coding days.

Metro Manila is not the only place in the world that has traffic woes. Even in Los Angeles or Bangkok or HongKong or Tokyo or Paris, rush hour is horrendous. But they don't ban cars from the roads like we do. It's a given right of every citizen to make use of his or her vehicle, paid for from pure blood, sweat and tears. Bought with taxes which we remitted to the government and which the government has already claimed and put to use - either for their own purposes or for the public.

What one has failed to see is the larger scale of where the traffic is coming from.

The number coding scheme has been revised into oblivion. It has been the mulcting grounds for lowly traffic enforcers who don't do anything on the streets of the metropolis but look at the plate numbers of the cars on the road. Never mind the public utility vehicles that violate so many regulations on the road in front of their very eyes! Their obsession with catching private vehicles that do not adhere to the number coding scheme has been the source of traffic congestion on the streets of Metro Manila. Never mind if anarchy on the road rules. As long as they're able to make a quick buck, these vultures dressed in various shades of uniform colors (depending on the city they work at) are up and about during regular work days. You can see that when there is a directive from the MMDA that they are suspending the number coding for a particular day, these traffic enforcers are nowhere to be seen!

Worst of all, when the traffic is all in a snarl, and you look for a traffic enforcer, he's busy chit chatting with the security guard or some other colleague or texting on his mobile phone. Sanamagan this country!

There's also the poor coordination between those that plan to fix the road or water pipes or whatever they want to fix and the local government. One day you see that traffic is flowing smoothly, the next day you wake up to your worst nightmare because some gopher called Maynilad decided to dig the streets overnight and you're in for the surprise of your life the following day! No notice from the local government official. "Surprise surprise!!! You'll be so late today because you got caught in our surprise!!" Or that the garbage trucks are out at 7AM together with all the cars during rush hour, stopping to pick up garbage at every nook and alley of the squatters area in broad daylight. Why in God's name can they not do that between 10PM - 12midnight?!?!?!?!?

We need to review this number coding scheme and just scrap it in the meantime.

It is a disservice to the Filipino people to continue a program that is mindless and baseless, considering that the real contributors to the ever worsening traffic scenario in the country are actually violators of laws and regulations - public utility vehicles that load and unload where and when they want, people who do not use pedestrian lanes and cross when and where they want, illegal parking or parking on the major thoroughfares because they want to park there.

I bet I can do a better job at managing the traffic conditions in the Metropolis without resorting to the number coding scheme. But in the Philippines, there are just too many supporting actors who want to win the best actor trophy. These are the metro manila Mayors who are most likely mired in just as much graft and corruption that they wouldn't want to lift a finger to help alleviate the traffic conditions in Metro Manila.

The only way to put order in chaos is to scrap a very bad idea and review the process. All stakeholders must be well represented during the committee reviews when they implement new policies. That's the way a true democracy works. And if PNoy is really bent on curbing graft and corruption, he must start at this level where the lowly traffic enforcers are the clearest examples of corruption among our lowest animal kingdom.

[All pictures were taken from my iPhone during a really bad traffic along Alabang Zapote Road]

Kuliglig at Anay - Bow!

Short of sounding discriminatory, I will never probably understand what rights these "kuliglig" drivers are screaming justice for.

"Kuligligs" are makeshift pedicabs that are the new King of the Roads in the Philippines. Some smart-ass idiot had this bright idea that putting a tiny motor into the pedicab would convert this three-wheel tricycle into a "motorized" version of the pedicab. They are found in ALL areas of Metro Manila (and in the provinces as well) and seriously, have no respect for the rule of law when it comes to traffic. They counterflow, they load and unload in areas where they are not allowed to, they ply even major thoroughfares contributing to the already massive traffic jams, they are rowdy and have no vehicular insurance whatsoever, they have no license to operate and HENCE ARE ILLEGAL - in short, except for the fact that their drivers claim to owning and driving a "kuliglig" is their source of livelihood, they have no reason for existence as a public utility vehicle.

I was silent about this topic until another idiotic senator suddenly raised his concern and cause-oriented, pathetic fried brain cells (I guess it's like father like son), politically motivated plan to LEGALIZE the "kuligligs". It's barriotic, idiotic and infuriating that people even continue to vote for feeble minded persons like him into public office, just because his roots are well entrenched in the movies and media! Sanamagan this country! His father, who once ruled this country (before being deposed because of plunder), once thought of legalizing "jueteng" (an illegal numbers game) as well. You can tell how idiotic minds think alike!

So here's my take.

1. Poverty can never be used as an excuse for doing something wrong. "Kuligligs" are like termites. Once you start giving them a franchise or legalizing them, they just spread like wildfire. And like termites, it's hard to exterminate them. Even if you burn your house to the ground, they will just proliferate when you rebuild. This is what this government is like. Our bleeding hearts go out to the poor and the needy. And the majority of them take advantage of this. And when you try to fix the problem, like termites, they fight back with a vengeance, no matter how wrong the logic is. The Akbayan, Hukbalahap, Anakbayan, Commission of Human Rights and other cause-oriented groups now band together to make it seem that the termites have the right to existence, even if they don't. We cannot keep justifying a wrong by another wrong. It is not only moronic but immoral! It is the thought process of a Marxist or Communist that thrives on the empty bellies and empty heads of the poor and uneducated to feed on the convoluted idealism of equality.

2. Majority of the poor in urbanized areas are actually immigrants from the rural area. Armed with just their underwear and deodorants, they come to the city in search for greener pastures. Unlike the OFWs who dream to dream big, the "probinsiyanos" will live with relatives from the squatters area. They inculcate and imbibe the culture there. Armed with the artillery of survival, they learn the ropes and trades to exist in the urban jungle. Name me one city in Metro Manila that has no squatters area! Come on, I dare you!!! The politicians use these poor people to propagate their existence in the political arena and to create a political dynasty. Why do you think the Binays, the Ejercitos, the Marcoses, the Arroyos and so and and so forth stay in power for so many years? They hand down their local government position from father to son to grandson and they have no plans of leaving! They owe their position in power to the poor. And come next election, they will remind the poor of this. Ironically, those of us who have a better standard of living in the urban areas seem to need to adjust to the mindset of the people from the "boondocks". Why is that?

3. It seems that the sense of logic of our politicians has deteriorated if not left in the shit-house. While we are talking about rights here, what about our rights? Tax payers like us who contribute more to the government's coffers than the ordinary politician who makes a pittance out of their position in office and hide their true assets and liabilities from the peering eye of the public need someone to espouse our rights as well. After all, it is a fact that it is our money that is keeping these dumb politicians in office and it is our money that is keeping these poor people alive. As to how our taxes are spent (and whether they are spent well or not by the corrupt public official) is not our fault.

Each day, I traverse the harried streets of Metro Manila wondering how many tunnels, how many fly-overs, how many skyways, how many more roads we need to build to ease traffic in the metropolis. I know the answer. I've blogged about it time and again. No rocket science here. Simple discipline and logic - two things even government officials cannot simply carry out - are sorely lacking.

Enough of the bleeding hearts. For too long a time, is it too much to ask these government officials to consider legislating for us tax payers who put food on their tables?

As for the partylist government officials and the pathetic youth groups who seem to not find meaning in life, here's my message - GET A LIFE!

[For more blogs on kuligligs, you can go to
http://rah888.blogspot.com/2010/03/kuliglig.html
where the author rights an interesting article about this as well]

Godforsaken traffic!

I have always marveled and shriveled at the never ending traffic problem in the Philippines.

I will put it bluntly - the traffic problem in the country is not only a major turn off for foreign investors but is the perfect mirror of the sense of non-urgency of the Pinoys.

I have never understood why this problem cannot be addressed.

No sitting president in the country has addressed this problem.

During her nine years in office, the outgoing dwarf in the palace has not addressed this situation as well. Sure she traveled all over the world on chartered flights and traveled to and from Malacanan without having to go through traffic (though her travels have also been the cause of the horrendous traffic as well).

But why do I want to talk about traffic in the Philippines?

Because traffic here has become a cultural problem. Like many of the cultural stupidities the Pinoys have, traffic is one of those classified as major headache.

Jeepneys, buses, FXs, taxis, and tricycles continue to lord it on the public roads. I cannot fathom why to local governments allow tricycles even in major thoroughfares. All forms of public vehicles (except trains and the railway systems) load and unload in prohibited zones. Even if there is a sign as big as daylight that says "NO LOADING AND UNLOADING FROM HERE TO CORNER", there will always be the Pinoy who thinks he is God or Gloria and will load and unload passengers at will.

I cannot understand why the people in this banana republic have to load and unload where they want to. You see them get off in one area then the jeep travels 50 meters and sanamagan another one gets off then it travels 20 meters and you see another nuthead get off and then after 5 meters the jeep stops because a passenger is getting on and then moves on the next 25 meters only to stop again because the driver has reached the loading and unloading zone. Dang!!! Sometimes you get to feel for the road rage people.

Some say that if you don't have the patience to drive in the streets of the Philippines you shouldn't be driving. I think that is the wrong kind of thinking or mindset. That is an idiot's line of thinking. Discipline is something that is wanting in this country. If you look at it from a microcosm, the traffic situation in the Philippines is the perfect singular example on the matter.

The surge of so many motorcycles in the country has also made the streets a chaos. These motorcycles drivers are probably part of the amazing lot of Pinoys who are able to put a maximum of 5 passengers on a two wheel vehicle. They have their wife and three children riding shotgun in all places on this vehicle and manage to swerve in and out of the roads of the Philippines. Never mind endangering the lives of the people on board. After all, if a car hits them, it will ALWAYS be the fault of the car. The charge? Driving with reckless imprudence leading to homicide (or whatever accident occurs).

There was an incident a few years ago where a man threw himself over the overpass of the Espana pedestrian walkway in front of the University of Santo Tomas. The man landed in front of a taxi cab that was traversing Espana St. The cab hit the guy who "fell from the sky" and the guy died. The poor cab driver was charged with reckless imprudence leading to homicide!?!?!!? Only in the Philippines.

Poverty and being a developing country CANNOT be an acceptable excuse for the sheer lack of discipline in this Godforsaken country. Our bleeding hearts and the senseless pathetic attitude of government officials towards the lack of discipline among the Pinoys on the road (and elsewhere) is definitely nerve-wracking and is a test of patience. Local politicians will always ride on the sentiments of the poor. That we should allow this kind of practice on how to ride public transportation in the Philippines is beyond my comprehension.

I can never understand how Pinoys who migrate to or travel to other countries (aside from the Philippines 7,107 islands) are able to be in their best behavior! My blog readers will attest to this! Watch a Pinoy cross the street in Singapore. They will cross where the pedestrian lane is. Watch a Pinoy cross the street in Quiapo. He is willing to play tag with the oncoming buses, jeepneys and cars and hurdle the cement barrier that is 3 1/2 feet high that divides the left side of the street with the right side of the street and will defy gravity after making that brave cross to the other side instead of going up the elevated pedestrian walkway.

I have never understood why we cannot put a reign on the public transport system in this country.

Most of the people, except for Bayani Fernando and the Metro Manila Development Authority, know that the major cause of traffic in the Philippines in general and Metro Manila in particular is NOT the sheer volume of private vehicles. Rather, it is the lack in discipline and poor quality of urban planning in each of the cities in the metropolis.

Remove every SM mall and you will see traffic decongest by 20% instantly! Every SM mall is strategically located in areas that are accessible to public transportation. Each of these malls are converted indirectly into public station depots because of the large number of people that go to these malls. Remove all the malls (aside from the SM malls) from within each city and you would have added 10% decrease in traffic congestion.

All 10 wheelers (and above) should be banned from the roads from 6am - 9pm. Hindi kasya ang kalsada para sa ating lahat (the streets are not enough for all of us). They should try to make use of the port to port delivery rather than make use of the door to door delivery system. Of course, it will only be those operating the ports that will holler at this idea, but seriously, will it kill them if they only plied the streets of the metropolis during nighttime? It certainly will decrease the number of accidents on the street and definitely the traffic. Most of these old trucks bog down in the middle of our narrow thoroughfares and just ONE ten wheeler causes a humongous traffic that takes hours to unclog and wastes so much manpower and precious time. Decreasing these big trucks will decrease 25% more of the congestion and traffic conditions not to mention the unquantifiable hours lost and gasoline saved for the ordinary Juan de la Cruz.

Then there are the Pinoys who insist on playing tag with cars that ply the highways. You see one Pinoy dashing from one end to the other end with child in tow! We waste so much in taxpayers money building overhead pedestrian lanes which are occupied only by vendors or used underneath by motorcycles when it rains, as a shelter! Gadzooks! And the only one that actually benefited from these structures are the local government officials who stood to make a quick buck from these infrastructures.

And if we only did these, we wouldn't need to have color-coding days! Only the traffic aides stand to gain from this corrupt and inept ordinance in Metro Manila!

Time.

There is no sense of urgency among the Pinoys! And if we intend to move out of the third world category, we need to fix this problem NOW. I cannot understand why we cannot walk a few meters so we can provide more convenience to the majority of the commuting public! Is it so hard to understand this?

Patience they say is a virtue. Some may say that I am an impatient person and that I should just let majority of the commuting public do what they currently are doing - violating the law.

I think that over the half decade of my existence, and my having to bear with this stupidity and crazy traffic system and car coding system in the country, I have redefined the definition of patience.

Those that tolerate this system and turn a blind eye to the actual scenario, are not patient. They are masochists. They deserve to be in the banana republic!