Single

This is a first for this blog. And I'm blogging on this topic because it's an assignment for a religion class of my nephew who wanted to do an interview with me on being single.

Skeptically I agreed. After all, he was my nephew. And I love being interviewed.

When I opened my email, my skepticism was verified.

I talked to my nephew on the "constraints" I had with this interview, and him being my "confessional box". He replied saying it was alright and he would just tell his teacher that I was just crazy. I think he was desperate. It was not his desperation that drove me to accede to his request. It was the fact that he understood his uncle.

The first question was:

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO REMAIN SINGLE?

As soon as I read this, I fell off the floor. I would have died laughing so I phoned a friend - my sister. "Did my nephew want me to go on answering this interview questionnaire?" She replied, "just answer it as honestly as you would."

Alright. So I'm single because "I don't like being a lesbian?" [nothing against lesbians as some of the nicest lesbians are my best friends]. I mean, really now. "Because I don't like women as sex partners?" or let's just put it straightforward "because of my sexual orientation and that probably I don't really like vaginas and I can't imagine anyone coming out of it?" or in modern day parlance, the simplest answer I would have given would be, "eeewww!"

Singleness was a choice I made. Unlike some who choose to be single because of professional career (which is a lot of BS) or are unattractive and instead of finding a match (read Andrew E's song - HUMANAP KA NG PANGIT) they want to get hitched with Dingdong Dantes or some Greek god or have a calling to serve their religion, I am still single because gay marriage is an anathema in the Philippines.



ON MY CATHOLIC FAITH

Don't get me wrong. While I have a sexual orientation that is common worldwide (read GAY), my faith and Catholic religion is deeply rooted on solid ground. Although there was so much confusion in my adolescent years, I needed to be syntonic with my orientation. The confusion stemmed from trying to make sense of why God was providing the confusion or was it me? Then there's the family. I mean, let's get real. I am after all Chinese and the first born male, you don't just come out of the closet and tell your dad that, "hey dad, guess what, your son is gay!" I played it by ear. I guess, like all parents, they somehow knew. I outed myself to my mom first (they are more understanding I guess), but we kept the secret to ourselves. At first they didn't like the fact that I was friends with woosies and I could feel their embarrassment. So we kept it a family secret - like the army - Don't ask, Don't tell! - became the rule.

It was during these trying times of finding myself and finding solace in accepting my sexual orientation that I prayed the most. I needed a bit of sanity in my life. I didn't like the fact that I had to sneak in and out of the house in disguise. There needed to be closure to this for me to move on. Having to deal with a family deeply rooted in tradition was driving me bananas.

One morning I looked in the mirror and asked God if this was a test of my faith. On bended knees I talked to Him to lead me out of my confusion. He provided no answer but I took to heart that I probably should try dating the opposite sex. Maybe that was where the answer lied. Seriously, I am not unattractive. I had my share of girls having a crush on me (up to now) and boys finding me attractive (up to now as well). So I tried dating a few girls. One of them ended up proposing to me. I turned her down. She cried a bucket but I wasn't ready to give up my virginity. In fairness though, I ended up being best friends with many of these girls. We became BFFs instead of lovers.

As I drew close to 21, I was firm on my sexuality. I was out and discussed this with my parents. My mom cried a bucket. My dad was infuriated. But unlike some parents, my parents seemed to understand. They accepted me for who I was. They let it be. In the back of their minds though, they would be waiting for a miracle.

As for me, I knew that I had a calling - being singly blessed.



ON CAREER AND BEING SINGLE

To say that I breezed through all the challenges in life would be an understatement. Of course we have mountains that block our paths. I had mine.

There were days when my family was cash strapped. Then there was the time when my dad had a stroke. I mean, let's face it. Life after all is not a bed of roses. And no matter how we prepare for it, we can never prepare ourselves for the worse in our lives.

I needed to focus focus focus. There was no use crying over spilled milk and the hurdles of the events in life was simply a setback. During my fellowship training in Boston, I was at the lowest of my life. The training period kept me gazillion miles away from home. From the people I loved the most. From my family and friends. It was like a new beginning of being alone. There was always the temptation to make my loins get the better of me, but I needed to focus. I was there to learn. It was an opportunity to make life better. And only I can do that. Here I was with no one to lean on (remember, this was the early 90s where the mobile phone and chatting on the internet and Skype or FaceTime or other techie gadgets were still on the drawing board). Loneliness can be the biggest factor in driving someone to do something terribly wrong.

After the summer came fall, winter, spring and the seasons had gone by. When I finished my fellowship program, I was offered to stay on to practice and do research at the University Hospital in Boston University. With my dad ill, and my mom trying to make ends meet and my sister being widowed and having to raise two kids, it was a tough decision to come home. After all, I already had a life in Boston.

After two weeks mulling over my faith and destiny, I declined the offer. The month before I left Boston, I was in tears while I was packing all my things. I was coming home to something I had no idea where I would be 5 years from then. Was I making the right decision?

I was single. Perhaps this was what fate and destiny was all about. It was time to come home.


NEW BEGINNINGS

Do I regret being single? No.

Do I regret coming home? No.

Am I happy being single? Yes.

Chaim Potok said, "all beginnings are hard." And coming home was like starting from scratch. There would be days when you'd just be counting the spiderwebs in your clinic or count the number of times the lizard made noise on the ceiling.

Yet you know you're never alone in the road less traveled. There were friends that helped you along the way and I shall never forget them. To them, I owed my jumpstart from my practice. After all, I was the only certified clinical pharmacologist that trained in the US in the university. Truth be told, I needed the money. But I didn't want to beg. There was too much expenditure that I would need to work day and night to make ends meet. I accepted lectures left and right and was on a plane from the north end of the Philippines all the way to Sultan Kudarat!

A year and a half after my return, my father passed away in his sleep. And with the little that I had, my sister and I could only afford the simplest coffin. The wake was provided free by the Benedictine order. My father's family offered to pay for a more "presentable" coffin. I turned it down. My dad would have agreed. Whatever we had on our backs was what we'd take to our graves.

I was single. And I was now in charge.

And in charge of my life as well.

There was a road that took me home to care for my mom, my sister and my niece and nephew. This was all the family I had on my back. This was all I needed in my journey in life. After I buried my father, I promised myself that I would take care of who was left behind.

And so, I remained single. Devoting my time to my profession, other peoples lives, career and yes, taking care of my family. They would experience the luxury that I didn't have while I was growing up. There would be plenty food on the table. There would be no opportunity to beg or borrow.

The kids are all grown up now. They have finished college. Eight years ago, I found my partner whom I share my dreams of growing old together with (well, don't we all want a happy ending to the story?).

Do you have plans of getting married? To a woman, of course not. The miracle of my converting to heterosexual never happened and nobody every bothered to ask me the question ever again. To my partner, well that depends on whether same sex marriage will be allowed in this country or not. As of now, we're contented with the arrangement.


"ON BEING SINGLE FOR LIFE"

There is nothing wrong with being single. You get to spend most of what you make on yourself and have a lot more to spare.

But contentment is not in material things alone. There are times I wish I had a kid (or kids) of my own but I have no regrets in my choice of being single. It is never a calling. It is a choice one makes.

Perhaps in a few years more, I will be alone. I have even imagined the most morbid scenario of dying alone. So I have asked my family to make sure that I am cremated within 24 hours of my death.

Even in death, I will choose to remain single.

[P.S. I hope you get a great grade for this piece, nephew. It wasn't easy to write this.]

Of bachelors, hunks, narcissism and being gay

Over a decade ago, one could not imagine the tabloids and magazines splattered with the crotches of men in the tiniest of underwear showing barely the outline of their family jewels. Or in the lowest of jeans showing a pinch of pubic hair or a shaved crotch.

Sexy advertising (or whatever you may want to name it) used to be a woman's world. In the Philippines, this era was marked over 30 years ago by women simply wearing string bikinis riding on a horse or whatever, to entice men in the sale of liquor. There were posters of women in various states of undress and Tanduay Rhum would give away calendars tagging each of them as Miss January, February, March, and so on.

Today, you see a bolder side of advertisement. I mean, you gotta agree with me when I say that the men are more daring and revealing than the women. Each year the Bench Underwear fashion event has all the ladies and gayness in gaga-land not over what the women wear, but over what the men are not wearing. And CosmoMen, featuring the men with washboard abs and oiled muscled bodies rippling in various explicitly sexually suggestive poses only made me affirm the fact that narcissism has reeled its ugly head.

Don't mistake me for being prude. That is the least I am.

Unfortunately, I don't believe that this is the kind of material that should hog the limelight most especially during prime time television. There is nothing wrong with flaunting a beautiful body. But the media must learn to discern as to when is the proper time to show segments like these. Of course, for the advertising and business world - SEXY SELLS!

And while we're at the topic of hunks galore, a colleague asked me in passing - DO YOU THINK THAT THESE MODELS ARE REALLY STRAIGHT MEN?

I wanted to slap her right there and then, but since I am suffering from lateral epicondylitis (tennis elbow), I decided to spare my right arm the pain.

These women just DO NOT get it! Dang!!! Did I need to give a lecture on how to tell if your man has signs and symptoms of being gay? Shoot me now and call me straight if you still can't distinguish a straight man from being gay.

Over a cup of coffee and some walnut cookies I enumerated the obvious signs and symptoms:
1. He's JUST NOT INTO YOU dearie. When you're in a party he likes to huddle with the boys. Especially the cute ones. When another hunk walks in, observe his head or eyes dart into that direction. Observe his eyes every time you go out. It tells a lot about whether you're with him or he's just physically there but he's not totally there at all!

2. He's 50 and he's still not married. So he's good looking, an achiever, and he's had several women in his life. It's either he's got erectile dysfunction and isn't telling anyone or he's not getting it up because he just doesn't like women. In short, he goes out with you because you're his front act. As to why he can't keep a relationship or get committed to one is not your fault. It's his. He's not into women!

3. His clothes are super neat and his make up is thicker than yours. He just says he's metrosexual (whatever that means). I blogged about this metrosexual concept a few months back and I tell you it's nothing but a campaign by advertisers and business to sell beauty to men. Men being beautiful? Duh? I'm fine with fragrance and clothes, but if he puts on a foundation or eyeliner or curls his lashes or plumps his lips with gloss then you've got someone who'll be carrying a "kikay" kit on your next vacation as well. [And while you're at it, check if he has those really low cut underwear that leaves little to the imagination or perhaps has some tight string bikini which would make your thong blush from what he's packing.] He's pretty obsessed with what he wears and how neat and spick and span he should be. You will not see a crease on his shirt and he's really tidy all over with that fruity citrus smell like he bathed himself with the whole bottle of cologne. Remember, if the guy looks more beautiful than you, you better think twice if he's straight or not!

4. He picks your clothes. Or he's picky when it comes to what you wear. You know the drill. You're going out for a date, then at the door he looks at you from head to foot then makes a stupid comment like, "I love your dress, but your shoes just don't match the color." Shazzam...and when did he become an instant make-over artist or fashion critic?

5. He's a total health buff. I mean really a health buff. I mean extremely a health buff. I mean a really totally extremely health buff. He's conscious with his food. He has gazillion pills laid out on the table when you dine out. He has an extra protein bar in his pocket so that he doesn't binge on food. He's conscious about his abdominal muscles and the weight and poundage that he will add. At a restaurant when you ask him to try your dish, he declines and offers his being conscious of his body as a pathetic excuse. He's a gym rat! In short, there's not a day in the week he's not at the gym lifting those barbells then posing and flexing his pumped body for all the world to see. Be most wary when he tells you that he's late for your dates because he's not yet done pumping his muscles. Several studies show that 50-75% guys who are narcissistic are actually dystonic gay men. Another study reveals that 30-50% of professional bodybuilders have homosexual tendencies and urges. Finally, 30-50% of male models are actually gay (but that's an underestimate because in reality 70-80% actually are).

6. He's not effeminate. Alright so it's a given. Most men that are effeminate are probably gay. But these straight-acting men are more dangerous than the effeminate ones. At least the effeminate ones are already distinguishable, but those that pretend to be straight are deceivingly devious. Why then do they act macho? Well primarily because not all gay men need to have a limp wrist. And that these macho-acting men act that way so that they can bond with other macho/straight guys . You know - hang out with the boys so that he can check their "toys". They're the ones that engage in hardcore body contact with other men, swapping t-shirts and jockstraps and body rubs. And here's the weird side - while most effeminate men may be gay, some of them are straighter than an arrow! So don't get deceived by the fact that the effeminate guy beside you happens to be gay! The world isn't just black OR white!

7. Just because he's got kids doesn't mean he's straight. Well let's just say that while they may have had the desire to sire kids, doesn't make them heterosexual or bisexual either. Jun Encarnacion and Arnel Ignacio for example. There's a long list of men who have kids and love men as well. So much for the "married" status. Some call them late-bloomers, whatever that means. Maybe after years of trying to ditch it they finally come to terms that they want their share of a "lollipop".

8. He's a Diva. I mean sure, while he loves the music of Barbara Streisand or Celine Dion, he does not need to sing it in falsetto mode! The minute you hear him sing in that mode, get out of the relation quick. It's either he just got castrated or he's wearing some really really really tight underwear that's clamping on his balls. Add the fact that he's into beauty pageants. Like if you asked a stupid question - "I wonder how many times has the Philippines won a world beauty pageant" - and he suddenly replies by giving you the exact year, name of winner, place it was held, and the place that the Philippines landed, you should get out of that relationship. If he's not gay then I'm definitely the Queen of England!

9. He is homophobic. There is something in him that makes him abhor openly gay people. He doesn't like them in the work place and enjoys putting them down. He surrounds himself with women and men only. He openly bashes gay people both in private and in public. This tells you that there is something in his past (or in his subconscious) that makes his react this way. It's usually a reflection of what he hates in himself. The gay population is a mirror of what he dislikes in himself. Because he finds this the dirtiest part of him, he does not like seeing them or being with them to the point of hating them.

10. His friends are beautiful men. Now that we're into cyberspace technology you can easily check out if your guy is gay or not. Simply click on his friends and you can tell - majority of his friends are beautiful men (not just men but really beautiful men) whose profile pics show half the torso rippling with muscles or even some of them only in scant underwear or very sexy or revealing poses. Especially if you don't know any of these men at all!

Give each segment in the checklist above 10%. If the guy fulfills 3 of the 10, then that makes 30% probability that he's gay and so on and so forth. If the guy (or hunk) of your dreams happens to fulfill at least 5 of the above criteria, steer away from him. You do not want to end up with a broken heart.

I promise you that you will remain a virgin throughout your life if you get a high score with your lover who happens to fill the criteria.

Homophobic

Over dinner last night, the topic of conversation touched upon HOMOPHOBIA.

Even in the 21st century, this word has still found meaning to the idiots who are homophobic.

Wikepedia (seems that Webster's is not the main reference material for Google fans anymore) defines Homophobia as "negative attitudes and feelings towards homosexuality and people identified or perceived as being homosexual. Definitions refer variably to antipathy, contempt, prejudice, aversion, and irrational fear."

The third sentence in the definition - homophobia is observable in critical and hostile behavior such as discrimination and violence on the basis of a perceived non-heterosexual orientation - explains the fact that those who are homophobic perceive their sexual orientation to be heterosexual.

Of course, I will not go into the psychiatric imbalance among people who believe that homosexuals have no place on the earth, lest to say that these people have a past relationship that has probably hurt them or a distorted religious belief that only heterosexuals have a place in the sun or an upbringing that is full of hate and bigotry.

There may be friends who will read this blog and feel differently about my opinion and the contents I will discuss, but it is my opinion and you are free to leave a comment - for or against my opinion.

I will not attempt at justifying homosexuality or gay people. Sexual preference, after all, is a personal affair. And while homosexuals do not cast the first stone at heterosexuals who have multiple affairs, are unfair to their spouses, beat up their children or even perform lascivious sexual acts upon them - let us not go into the trivialities of being holier than though.

The irony here is that society seems to accept that gay men who are in show business or media are fit for their jobs on screen or behind the cameras. It is alright for a gay person to be a beautician or a hair stylist or a talk show host or even a fashion model or doctor or nurse but it is not okay for someone gay to be the president or a congressman or cabinet member in government. It's also a no-no for a policeman, fireman, golfer, basketball player, jock, athlete, soldier, navy man, marine to be gay. And since when, did the job description for someone with a personal sexual preference define his or her being fit for a job?

In 1998, civil rights leader Coretta Scott King noted that "Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood."

Homophobia is manifested in different forms, but call it what you may, it is a personality disorder. And while psychiatrists may not label it as such, bigotry and racism definitely has seen the worst of homophobics - from social homophobia to egodystonic homosexuality.

I remember the late Dr. Robert T. Walter, my professor in psychiatry whom I did one research study on teenage homosexuality with, elaborating the problem on egodystonic homosexuals. Egodystonic (internalized) homophobia refers to a negative feeling of oneself because of homosexuality. The person cannot reconcile in himself the conflicting conscious and subconscious sexual desire to the same sex. This is brought about by distorted teachings and orientation from society or religion or family. The research study Bob Walter and I did in 1990 showed that about 30% of teenagers who thought they were homosexuals were egodystonic and 60% had thoughts of suicide. They repressed their feelings, they engaged in unprotected sex, their discordance created an internal struggle that would scar them for a lifetime. This was definitely NOT a good way to raise your children.

Then there are the social homophobics. This is a distorted perception of a supposed heterosexual that he/she would be approached by homosexuals for the main purpose of sexual adventures. These perceptions are deeply rooted in an individual's fear of being identified as gay. Among men, social homophobia is highly associated with their insecurity of their masculinity. In order to maintain the macho image, they resort to a disproportionate resentment of anything and anyone that is outrightly OUT with their sexuality.

Which brings me back to the topic of discussion over dinner. What do you do with a boss who is homophobic?

Essentially, nothing. Nothing can be done to someone whose ego is scarred or distorted. There is nothing that can be done to someone who has a personality disorder that aggrieves the working environment. I guess that is the problem with the HR department and is essential in the screening process not only of workers but of administrators and bosses as well. Not even the boss should be exempted from being screened as a good leader. Homophobia, after all, is a precursor to a climate of prejudice. If your boss is homophobic, what can assure you that he has no biased outlook on single unmarried women, or men who practice polygamy, or short people in the working environment?

If the merits of a man in the work environment is based on competence, integrity, personality, work ethics and leadership quality, then the homophobic fails in the latter and must not be promoted or given a position at the top of the ladder. They do not, after all, qualify and have no place in the administrative pool as they pose problems in the work environment.

There is something very wrong in the workplace when you allow homophobics to exist.

This is, after all, the 21st century and people like these who belong to the stone age, must stay in the stone age.

The metrosexual: Straight guy or straight gay?

metrosexual (met.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.
—metrosexuality n.

You hear this word around town and in the fashion circle. Perhaps a fad or a clique or just a commercialism hype? The latter never ends with the fashion and beauty industry trying to sell a product, why not sell the concept of a "man not afraid to face his feminine side" and dub it as a metropolitan dude whose actions are more akin to grooming habits of homosexuals?

Historically, British author and journalist Mark Simpson (www.marksimpson.com), the 'father' of metrosexual, retrosexual, and spawner of sporno was interestingly initially cited in The Independent, a British publication:

The promotion of metrosexuality was left to the men's style press, magazines such as The Face, GQ, Esquire, Arena and FHM, the new media which took off in the Eighties and is still growing (GQ gains 10,000 new readers every month). They filled their magazines with images of narcissistic young men sporting fashionable clothes and accessories. And they persuaded other young men to study them with a mixture of envy and desire.
Some people said unkind things. American GQ, for example, was popularly dubbed ''Gay Quarterly''. Little wonder that all these magazines — with the possible exception of The Face — address their metrosexual readership as if none of them were homosexual or even bisexual.
—Mark Simpson, "Here come the mirror men," The Independent, November 15, 1994

Football star David Beckham in 2002, later became the poster boy (or should I say, whipping boy), for the subsequent commercialism of the metrosexual man. Many, including I, believe that the concept was born out of commercial exploitation of the male homosexual who is confused with his identity - hence, the term - metrosexual.

Simpson adds:


The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis — because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere.
—Mark Simpson, "Meet the metrosexual," Salon.com, July 22, 2002

Argumentatively, there is NO SUCH A THING AS A METROSEXUAL. The narcissistic affront of the male sexuality can be left to the human male being the macho-on-the-go. I think (and the girls do too), that it's sexy to have the guy flex his machismo side. NOT the well-sculpted pecs, delts, abs and arms rolled around a super tightly hugging shirt that scoops so low in front that the guy's tits are showing his cleaves (darn I thought that only women would look really sexy showing off those bumpers), but the real brute non-aesthetically made up look.

Once upon a time, a guy would swagger his pheromones based on his machismo image rather than the amount of Shu Uemura or Laura Mercier or Kiehl lines plastered all over his face. And there's the rub. Today, you have endorsers of "male beauty products" showing off their machismo side with all these foundation powders and supposedly male eyeliners, and male glossy lips and you've got the "men" queued up good at the cosmetic corners at the shopping malls. Truth be told, there are times when I want to tell the guy buying the foundation that he doesn't actually need it - what he needs is plastic surgery.

The gay population is a growing breed. I see a lot of would-be gay boys logarithmically expanding in numbers in the next decade. If you saw the Lady Gaga concert in Manila last year, the Araneta Coliseum was practically packed with young gay Pinoys aged 21 and below. And I was just counting the male homosexuals.

There is the screaming faggot, the repressed gay man, the macho gay, the tranvestite, the transexual and a garden variety of categories among the gay population. However you call them or dress them, their sexual orientation is geared towards same sex.

They are men in love and have sex with men.

Alexa Hackbarth in the Washington Post describes her concept of the metrosexual man:

At dinner the other night, my date listed the calorie count of the main entrees, raising an eyebrow at my chicken Alfredo selection after he had ordered a salad. I saw him check his reflection in the silver water pitcher three times. During dessert, he looked deeply into my eyes and told me he thought what we have together is very special. It was our third date.

It was then that I realized why my dating life has been as mysterious as the Bermuda Triangle since I arrived in Washington. This city, unlike any other place I've lived, is a haven for the metrosexual. A metrosexual, in case you didn't catch any of several newspaper articles about this developing phenomenon (or the recent "South Park" episode on Comedy Central), is a straight man who styles his hair using three different products (and actually calls them "products"), loves clothes and the very act of shopping for them, and describes himself as sensitive and romantic. In other words, he is a man who seems stereotypically gay except when it comes to sexual orientation.
—Alexa Hackbarth, "Vanity, Thy Name Is Metrosexual," The Washington Post, November 17, 2003

And as fantasy riddled as the vampires and werewolves in the Twilight series, if I may add, enigmatically emboldens the male to now hide his sexual orientation to women (albeit, foot them) by claiming metrosexuality.

No, I am not going to bash the metrosexual cult. Just an eye opener to the ladies who think they're dating a real man.

Think for a moment:
- the guy has nails so well manicured (and at times colored pink or violet or black) that it makes your magenta red coloring look like your nails were done in some lonely beauty parlor by Madam Auring
- you're having dinner with your new date and he comes sashaying into the restaurant wearing a tight fitting burgundy Armani t-shirt showing his well toned biceps and pectoralis major and minor, a hip hugging low waist Relay jeans wrapped around by an accenting Armani belt with a buckle that screams the logo; his slick black mane highlighted with whisps of blond coloring on the side; he smells better than you with his whiff of Calvin Klein One Summer Scent; and oh yeah, accessories by handbag by Gucci with shoes and socks to match; and all you came in was some dress you got on sale at The Black Shop, shoes and bag and accessories by Celine.
- when he suddenly drops his "purse" in the movie house, you notice that Shu Uemura and Laura Mercier are part of his make-up kit tucked neatly in the bag
- that his celphone has bling blings hanging at the end
- that he talks to you about going shopping for clothes in the gayest of all shops, picking out the shortest, kinkiest, sexiest and wildest underwear even if each pair costs P500 each
- that he has a penchant for matching his clothes to the color of his watch (purple shirt, purple watch, purple contact lens)
- that his ideal date with you is both of you getting a facial at Rustan's and a body scrub at the Spa
- that he admires it when not only women stare at him, but men as well
- that he has adoring looks at what other men wear and how they wear their clothes and compares himself with them ("Look hon, what nice biceps that guy standing in the corner has and I love the way he wears his jeans so low at the crotch, I wonder if I will look good as well in that? Where did the guy get those clothes? Damn they look hot on him!")
- that whenever you're out shopping, he's probably at the men's underwear section checking out the newest styles or at some Bench, Jockey or CK underwear shop, checking the latest merchandine
- that his netbook and his mobile phone are adorned with stickers and various protectors and he loves to hang out at wifi free stations showing off his gadgets and comparatively oogling at the men in the crowd
- that one look at his room and you notice that he's not only spic and span, but he has a room that would make the Queen of Sheeba shrink in envy at the amount of decorations and the design that was spent in garnishing the place
- that when it comes to making a fashion statement, he is so up-to-date that it would make Tim Yap look trampy and you look like his servant (or better yet - Maid!)
- that his pet dog is a Chihuahua or a Rotweiller?!?!?
- that he owns his very own compact mirror, which he carries 24/7 in his, where else but his clutch bag?

Vanity for vanity sake has a limit. Even our narcissistic egos can only go so far. Anything more flamboyant than being what your sexuality declares is a bit weird and coming up with the metrosexual term is but a pathetic excuse for men who in reality want men or so to put it bluntly are actually gay but hide under the guide of metrosexuality.

Judgment day - the VSMMC scandal

I thought I was just going to keep quite about the whole issue.

But then Monsignor Achilles Dakay, spokesperson for the Archdiocese from Cebu had to open his big mouth and on live radio gave his opinion regarding the issue surrounding the gay patient who had a body spray cannister shoved up his rectum during sex. It was the opinion of Dakay that it was the "fault" of the gay guy who engaged in "indecent acts" that resulted in the gay guy's "unfortunate incident" at the hospital and that the "media and people" had lost focus on the issue. Dakay had passed judgment that the gay florist was initially to blame for all this! I don't know how many of you have seen the UNEDITED version of the video taken at the operating room of the Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center, a government hospital in Cebu, south of the Philippines.

Click and paste on to the link at
http://www.flixya.com/video/1163689/CEBU_DOCTOR_SCANDAL_-_CAN_STUCK_IN_ANUS

After watching this complete version, I fell off my chair and really felt bad over the gay florist, who apparently had picked up a callboy for a one night stand. Never mind the sordid details in between December 31, 2007 and January 2, 2008.

Granted that the sexual act was not within the purview and dictum of the Catholic faith, the gay guy may not have been Catholic at all Msgr. Dakay.

Granted he may be a Catholic, that does not excuse him from committing sins of the flesh, in the same way as it does not excuse those who wear the robe from stealing from the coffers of the Church in guise of "giving to the poor". Msgr. Dakay has no right to judge the act committed by the gay victim in the video or the circumstances that led to the insertion of the body spray cannister into the victims rectum. Passing judgment is not within your purview Msgr. Dakay. Your robe and your role supposedly allows you to look at the situation with empathy, love and an open mind. The day you opened your mouth, you sealed more of the faithful to look the other way from the teachings of the Catholic Church. Not even Jesus Christ castigated Mary Magdalene for being a sinful woman. Who are you, Msgr. Dakay, to judge the aftermath of the "sin" without sympathy to the the victim? Where is the sense of empathy and morality of the priesthood when Msgr. Dakay has already crucified the victim to the cross? With so many sex scandals by church officials in the US alone (we've not counted the Philippines), I cannot imagine how Msgr. Dakay can malign this victim.

Msgr. Dakay has cast the first stone and I cringe at the stand the prelate makes on behalf of defending the doctors. The sexual practice of the victim in this case is irrelevant Msgr. Dakay. While the Filipinos are appalled by the act of those who supposedly should keep the patient-doctor relationship a private one, you on the other hand have passed judgment by discriminating the sexual orientation of the individual. Even the Catholic faith implies that discrimination should be abhored, yet Msgr. Dakay has bashed even the basic right to decency by espousing that the victim was equally to blame in this unfortunate video clip.

The actual video is graphic and sickening. It sickens me to know that there are animals in the medical field who have no respect for human dignity. The video taking in itself is an offense against privacy, whether the material being used is that for academic purposes or for personal satisfaction. Without a written informed consent, this goes against the very rights of human dignity.

Judgment time for Msgr. Dakay and the medical staff behind the scandal.

Msgr. Dakay should preach from the pulpit and be more forgiving and understanding. Otherwise, he loses the very essence of his cloak.

The medical staff behind the scandal should be remorseful and hope that the victim finds it in his heart to forgive them. The very least, they should be disciplined. After all, the doctors can always take a nursing course and leave this country. Good riddance.