Thursday, January 14, 2010

Bitching 101 - Today's Headlines

My friend once told me that the best way to get depressed is to stress oneself. And the best stressor is the Philippine newspaper, in general, and the Philippine Daily Inquirer in particular.

I classify newspapers in the Philippines into two categories - the legitimate newspapers and the tabloids. The former are made up of the Philippine Daily Inquirer (PDI), the Philippine Star, Manila Bulletin, and then there are others (Business World, Manila Standard). Then there are the tabloids. These are a sleazy bunch of newspapers that have nothing but gore and sex on the headlines. The latter are the staple reading materials of drivers, lackeys, and the average Pinoy who has nothing better to do than read smut in his spare time.

On my way to work, I have this newsboy that runs up to my car to bring me my daily fix of horror or stressor stories for the day. My favorite section of the newspaper is always the OP/Ed (Opinion and Editorial) page. Any my favorite columnist is Conrado de Quiros. I like his acerbic tongue. Then the business section is second on the list, where I try to follow the foreign exchange market and the Philippine economy (as if I understand this part of the business sector in the country). Finally, I browse through the entertainment section to find out who is slapping who in local showbiz. Unless of course the headline reads that some dwarf in the palace has turned into stone, the other news events are usually lopsided. Lopsided based on what is to the interest of the mediamen and not necessarily on the nation (but that's my opinion).

In today's PDI, the front page hits were:

"Earthquake shatters Haiti" - so why was this the headline? When Ondoy devastated Metro Manila, did Haiti even blink to make this as headline in their newspaper? Duh? And PDI ran a whole story on the political history of Haiti. Through the courtesy of PDI, now I know that the Philippines even has a peace keeping mission among our police officials in Haiti. What the?!?!!? Why not just send them to Maguindanao? My golly gee wow!! Can't understand why we need to be sending our Pulis Patola to Haiti, when they can't even catch Ivler in Manila! OMG!!!

Ampatuan Massacre: Andal Jr fired first, says witness - and we are obsessive compulsive over the this saga of murder/massacre/greed/money/Muslims/guns/terror. If this were made into a movie, it would probably in the proportion of the Saw series. I only follow the news about what's happening. What makes me puke are the lawyers of the Ampatuans. Noted for their high profile cases, the Fortun law firm seems to be cash strapped that taking on the Ampatuans side is a sign of desperation. Of course, as CHR head Lilia de Lima points out, until proven guilty, the Ampatuans are just suspects. According to Atty Fortun, his clients can't speak nor understand Filipino or Tagalog or English. In the last interview of ABS-CBN the other day with Andal Jr., the guy could speak AND understand Filipino and Tagalog and English and Taglish. Either the lawyer is a dump or a liar. As they say, all lawyers are good at the latter. But the plot thickens. And like all telenovelas, this will probably drag on...until either boredom sets in, or the series is canned and everyone forgets.

JPE urged to quit post for smooth transition - the guy who has lasted all of the other presidents should retire. Enough said. I've always made my point - NOBODY after 65 should lead a nation. There are people younger and with more experience and less corrupt who should be given the chance. Statistics shows a positive correlation with years in office and graft and corruption - the longer you stay in public office, the higher the probability of practicing graft and corruption. JPE - retire already - you can drag Erap into exile for all we care!

'Diyos at Bayan' my slogan, Bro. Eddie tells Noynoy - puwede ba? Eddie V should be reminded that he is no Moses and that the Philippines is no Egypt. God is not on his side and can we for once stop using God's name in vain? Damn these Pinoys who always use God God God and Jesus Jesus Jesus for all the things we do right and wrong. Everyone has the right to use God's name because God is no one's property. Combining God with country is not Eddie V's own idea. The American presidents were actually the first to use this catch-phrase. Tinagalog lang ni Brother Eddie. This nuisance candidate should just take a rod and staff and curse Malacanan and the dwarf in the palace. But unless he can show to the people that he is the deliverance sent by heaven, he should just shut up.

Interestingly are other news but not necessarily headliners.

LTO stops tagging vehicles - too much fuss about the RFID (radio frequency ID). While I have no objections to this added scam of the LTO, they should be able to produce CR (certificate of registration) first. It's been over 1 month that the LTO has not released the CR of my car. Their reason - no paper. Walang papel!!!! Anak ng pating!!! Anong klaseng buhay naman meron tayo? May sticker para sa bagong raket pero walang papel para sa basic requirements ng kotse? Sanamagan talaga itong bansang ito! Grabe!! If I were the president, all these non-performing government employees will be reassigned to Maguindanao for life!

Ang Ladlad: Bishops assail SC ruling on gay party - Borongan Bishop Crispin Varquez told the Church-owned Radio Veritas his adamance to the idea of partly list representative "Ang Ladlad", saying that it's a very dangerous move. According the Varquez, "There's a big possibility that they will push for immoral bills. They are already in favor of pre-marital sex and for sure they will push for same-sex marriage. That's why they should not be allowed in the party-list elections". My take? These are big IFs and BUTs. Varquez should look at his compatriots in robes and not forget that the Vatican had to pay off so many people for sexual crimes committed by the priests. He who has no fault, should cast the first stone. Was that not part of the bible or did Varquez come from a different religion? I personally believe that there should be no representation anymore for the gay group. After all, we are well represented already. Even in Church.

Talent show faces censors' sanction - "Showtime" has been banned for 20 days after Rosanna Roces shot back at Vice Ganda during it's January 4, 2010 program with apparently cussing words.
The exchange went like this:
VG (to RR): Pagkatapos mong makipaghiwalay, hinete agad ang ipinalit mo (After splitting up, you quickly replaced him with a horserace jockey).
RR (to VG): Walanghiya ka talaga, hayop ka, demonyo ka. Wag kang ganon, nangbubuko ka ever. Di ka naman maganda. Vice Ganda lang ang pangalan mo. (You're shameless, a beast, a demon. Don't do that. You're revealing things. You're not even beautiful. It just happens to be your name).
So what was wrong with this? RR was telling the truth. VG is not beautiful. The better description of VG is actually the animal that the horsejockey rides. And they were cuss words? I hear them on the various telenovelas in Primetime where slapping, shouting, hair-pulling, water throwing, murder and sex are the basic themes (and attires). Gimme a break. Somebody should just put MTRCB chair Marissa Laguardia in a room and show her the basics of censorship. It should also be a rule that the prude and stupid should just join the convent.


Fill in the blanks:
1. BOO_S
2. _ _ NDOM
3. F_ _K
4. P_N_S
5. PU_S_


If you had a different answer, you must be on the same wavelength as Laguardia. Pervert!

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