Reunions in two acts in San Francisco

The American Academy of Pediatrics National Conference and Exhibition meeting in San Francisco was the agenda for my trip to San Francisco this October.

In between the meetings I spared all the rest of my time bonding with friends who had migrated to the Bay City. I stretched my stay an extra 2 days and in between their very busy schedule, I appreciated the fact that they too, took an extra 2 days off just to be with me.

I will not blog about the conference, as it would not interest my readers on what did and what did not go on in the meeting. It was, however, a good meeting considering the fact that the last AAP meeting I had attended was over 6 years ago. This was a reunion for my continuing medical education.

I had missed the wedding of my goddaughter in Manila last year. With my sister suddenly being in the hospital and all, I had sorely missed the day she said “I do”. She, her husband are based in San Francisco. Malu had flown there a few months ago to take care of her when she gave birth. Maggie who is now 2 months old was a joy to behold. Aside from the fact that she reminds me that I am now much older, I have come full circle in my medical career. My goddaughter had grown up with me and she is now a mother as well. How time flies. Malu, my kumare, looked contented and peaceful. Her giggles, laughs, stories and pride could not be contained.

I have always believed that life is like a play. It is made up of two acts – the first act is one of achievement. That is the easiest role to play. We try to find ourselves in the first act. How we play our role in Act I prepares the storyline for the next act.
The second and last act is one of depth. It is the most difficult because this story builds on the first act. Our roles are more challenging because we need to sustain the role we played in Act I. It creates the epitaph of the life we have lived. And there is no rewind here. No retake. One final performance before curtain time.

I think Malu has found her final act. Her contentment. She has finally find home, in San Francisco.

My other friends were with me during the various days. Jojo, Francis and Roland had relocated to San Francisco varying from several decades to several years ago. Each with their own stories to tell. Each had a reason for turning over a new leaf or finding himself or herself in San Francisco. Each finding a place where they could move on.

Perhaps like many of our countrymen who find a place to start over again or begin a new chapter in their lives, San Francisco has provided as a haven for my friends in some way or another.

During the few days I was there, we talked about old times. We dug up memories from our closets, we reminisced on our growing up years. Friendship bonds built over three decades drew moments where I became misty eyed. I had to put on my sunglasses or turn my back on them so they could not see how emotional it got to be.

We shared stories at where life has led us. The bitter pills we had to swallow. The road less traveled. The people who were part of our lives. Those we left behind. The people who are now part of our lives. The pains, the joys, the successes, the failures. The lives we shared that intertwined with our lives.

Between the laughter and the stories we shared I could not help but wonder where life would eventually lead us. I missed those days where I could have friends to turn to at every tragic event or run to when problems are too difficult to handle. I missed those times that I needed a friend to talk to or console me when I’m feeling down and out. I miss the days when I would not have to be accountable for my misdeeds or would get a pat in the back with my accomplishments.

I missed being free and being me.

On the way home from Stanford on the last day, we talked about where life would bring us next.

It was towards the end of the fall season in the US. And like the seasons in our lives, we are in the fall season. We watch the younger ones grow up within our midst and sometimes envy the youthful decadence and radiance we once had.
It is reunions like these that remind us why friends will always be a reason for appreciating the changing seasons in our lives.

And I will always be grateful that somewhere in our lives, our paths had crossed and intertwined.

It is the final act in the stories of our lives.

Wherever life will lead us now, I know that our paths will meet again. Because there was depth in this final act.

Summer and the Stars

It's that time of the year when you know that summer is fast approaching.

Hot as it is outside, the asphalt pavements are all cracked up from the heat. But nothing beats the heat of the festive mood in the Philippines as summer approaches. Aside from the upcoming election, each summer brings back memories of youth.

I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was breastfed up to the age of 1. I never grew up with grandparents or relatives that were doting. And my parents were very young and hardly knew how to raise a child. Perhaps those are enough reasons why I am allowed to be a little bit crazy, a little bit weird, and dream a lot...

Unlike most children that looked forward to summer because their parents planned trips together with them, I faintly recalled my parents ever bringing us out for the 'summer holiday'.

While I and my sister were growing up, tatay was trying to make ends meet. Inang was busy trying to learn to be both a housewife and a mother. And my sister and I were left to imagining the sun, the seas, the stars.

During the summer, we would run outside the house looking for playmates and when we could not find any, we would run back to our rented apartment and put up the large blankets and play store. I had a fascination for delicatessens.

Dulcinea, a local patisserie, is much older than me. It was the swankiest pastry shop this side of town then. When tatay once took us to Dulcinea, I knew I fell in love not only with the delicious pastries but the elegance and the way it was served. They were all lined up in a huddle, and my little face was plastered on the glass display cabinet - craving at the cakes and smelling the aroma of coffee, churros and baked pastries. It was heaven on earth. And the crumpled 50 peso bill from tatay's old wallet would mean a special cake for his precious angels who stood beside him at the counter with their mouth watering for the eclair or churros or sansrival...Tatay would remind us that then the 50 pesos was all he made from the week of selling shoes in the sweltering summer heat. But today, it would be spent watching his two children gobble up the sweet pastries. And that would leave a smile on his tired face.

Back at home, the summers of my childhood would be a world of make believe. My sister and I would use plastic poker chips used by my parents for mahjong and the mahjong tablets and domino tablets as make-believe pastries. The other toys we had, we assembled altogether and would play store the whole day - imagining our own little Dulcineas in our lives...

During the later part of high school and my early college years, each Lenten season heralded summer. That was as far as I could remember. As long as it was lent, it was summer. And the summer escapades now grew to a drive to Los Banos to soak in the hot springs or to a beach in Cavite, to frolic in the sand and sun. Both my sister and I were always excited when it was summer time, as it gave us the opportunity to travel...outside the confines of our home, and the city. Again, unlike most families that spent "quality time" bonding together, spending overnight vacations out of town or out of the country, my parents always reminded us to be frugal. And that we needed to save and scrimp because after the summer sun, came the rainy season.

They did not mean that literally. As a figure of speech, I guess both of them always referred to the fact that right after the summer vacation, it was enrollment time again. And since both I and my sister went to exclusive schools in the city, we really needed the money. There were times when I would reuse the same set of pants or shirt or socks for two school years so that my parents could send us to a good school.

College was different. Tatay had better pay and while his income was now regular, he wanted to build a house. Which meant that we would be scrimping again. Tatay had a dream and he talked about it at the dinner table every night. I have never seen him that excited. We would have a house of our own now. No more renting he would say. He needed to borrow money. And after 10 years of amortization, the house would be ours, he would exclaim. He hired an architect, brought home the plans, and our family of 4 would pore over the blueprints and began to dream.

He then bought a lot. In January of 1975 the construction of the house began. No feng shui dates. Right after Christmas of 1974 we watched them dig a hole in the lot. And brick by brick, stone by stone, it rose. Every weekend, tatay would drive us to the construction site and we would see how much work and sacrifice had gone to watching our dream come to be.

That summer, I began to work at my uncle's hardware store. I was the cashier for his store, while his whole family would take a week vacation in the summer capital, Baguio. And while I envied my cousins who enjoyed each summer on weekly or monthly holidays while I took care of their store, I saw the fruits of my dad's dream come to fruition. In August of 1975, we had moved to our new home.

For the next four summers, I would spend my summers working at my uncle's hardware for a little more cash to save...for those rainy days and those little wants and desires.

Life after the house that was built during the summer of 1975 would never be the same again.

Today, my mom and I still live in the house that tatay built...it has undergone two renovations over the years since tatay passed away in 1994, exactly 9 days after my birthday.

Even though the house is old, it has stood the test of time. When tatay passed away, I told Inang that I would buy us a new home and that we would move on. We had ventured on seeing several other houses, townhouses and condominiums over the past years. But on solid ground of true love and sacrifice our old house stood. And so we continued renovating it. It will probably not set us free. Not yet.

To me, it is home. Where once upon a time in the summers of our lives, a young boy grew up to dream of the stars...

Mickey and We

First flight out of Manila to Hong Kong on CX904 at 630 am is always a no no! You crowd together with those flying Delta to the US. But off to Disneyland we went.

Alright, so we're all adults (and 1 senior citizen), so who cares if we wanted to meet up with Mickey and his gang again? This was vacation. And we wanted to have fun. It was after all, the longest holiday in the Philippines. And splurge I did (my pocket hurts).

This was a last minute decision, so all flights were booked by the time I got seats on line for Cathay Pacific. Hence the very early morning flight! And I had to call Disneyland long distance for hotel bookings. There were no more rooms available if I were to book on the internet. And unlike in previous years where we stayed at the posh Hong Kong Disneyland Hotel, we had to settle for the less classy, yet quaint Hollywood Hotel.

In spite of the lack of sleep, my family and partner, had a lot of bonding. Harried and tired amidst the dreary Hong Kong winter weather, we managed to stay less argumentative and ventured on places we had not seen in Hong Kong, like the Citygate Mall at the Tung Chung exit line where ALL the branded outlets were. The sale there was crazy!!! Imagine getting Lacoste bags at 50% off or a pair of Reebok rubber shoes for only $200 HKD (P1200) or having a quarter kilo of fresh cherries for only $20 HKD (P120) or buying Esprit shirts at $120 HKD a piece (and get 30% off if you buy 3 pieces)!

And the food was all we dreamt of. It was food tripping all the way. From the fancy dinner at the Lotus Restaurant at the Hong Kong Disneyland, where we had the Salt Fried Chicken to the extra large prawns in sweet and sour spicy sauce, to the Peking Duck, to the salted fish fried rice, to the steamed garoupa...the extra baggage of fine food was unforgettable.

We had the Park View room at the Hollywood Hotel, so in spite of the rain, we would huddle off to our rooms, turn on the TV to channel 36 and listen to the music accompanying the fire work display and watch the fire works from our room! How cool was that?

The newest park destination in HK Disneyland is the "It's a Small World" ride. It is the nicest among the "small world" sites of all the Disneyland Theme Parks (probably due to being the newest). Of course, we had to look for the dolls representing the Philippines and had not my niece told me, I didn't even recognize it because the Philippines was represented by a Nipa Hut (now how monkey could you get?) and a supposed tarsier (which actually looked like a Koala bear).

We had a day dedicated to going to the city - and it was a mad rush for more SALE at Causeway Bay. When my mom saw the onslaught of people at Times Square Mall, she was flabbergasted and wanted to go back to the hotel immediately.

Whenever we got back to the hotel, it would be simply heaven, having to rest our tired feet and aching backs and enjoy the warmth of the rooms. Honestly, I guess we all didn't get enough sleep.

We took the 245pm CX 919 flight back to Manila. A little more duty free shopping to even up the last few Hong Kong dollars. A little more duty free shopping for me on the plane to get some bargain toiletries.

And it's back to reality when we landed at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport.

This holiday, it was simply family bonding. And of course, there was Mickey and We...

myparentsjoinedfacebook.com

"Therese's mom doesn't mind the things she posts on Facebook - she's cool that way. Her mom though Therese was cool about it, too, and one time she posted a reminder on her wall: 'Anak, you left your tita's pasalubong to you on the kitchen counter, 'yung mga underwear na Victoria's Secret.'"

It was time to say thank you then slap her mother.

The article last July 18, 2009 on the Super LifeStyle section of the PDI (Philippine Daily Inquirer) by Ruby de Vera was an eyeopener, if not an eye popper for the parents who are Facebook wannabees.

Alright, don't get me wrong. It's not that I never started on the wrong foot with this FB thing. I also made comments on the walls of my friends that should have been something that I should have just sent as a personal email. And twiddle-de-dee and twiddle-de-dumb, but it took a few days to maneuver my way into FB. What was once upon a time the world of the yuppies and the teens on social networking has now become passe. The "older generation" has started to blog, to use social networking sites in order to FB or Twitter, upload on MySpace, or share pics (non-adult or adult) in cyberspace.

But putting notes in cyberspace, particularly for social networking sites, requires a little tack and responsibility. As adults, and as parents in particular, you've just invaded THEIR SPACE!

As kids, there's the tendency to cringe when parents have fun at their expense. I've seen parents upload their kids singing karaoke or their kids pics in the nude when they were babies or their kids dressing funny for a party. While FB or Friendster or Twitter IS NOT the exclusive domain of the young, we have to hand it to them that when they started off this chain reaction in cyberworld, times have indeed changed. And believe me when I say that the kids agonize whether they should accept or ignore you when you request to tag yourself as their 'friends'! As de Vera puts it "Facebook is your turf, the one place in the cyberworld where you can be yourself with your select group of friends, in a setting both public and at the same time private. You really don't need your parents to see what kind of hangover you had from your friend's birthday party, as evidenced by the pictures where they tagged you."

But this social network has gone beyond just friends and a group of friends. It has spilled over to politics, particularly with the Obama presidency in the United States. In the Philippines, presidential wannabees like Chiz Escudero and Richard Gordon have put up a FB post where I believe that some techie that is paid by these politicians puts up posts to get the opinion, pulse and eventually vote of the youth. Watching the thread of opinions from these lackeys is not fun, as you can read the boot-lickers clawing their way to a pat in the head. Gimme a break, it's not even Dick Gordon or Chiz Escudero you're chatting with on FB!

But back to the topic at hand. So your kids are complaining. Their parents are on facebook and they need help! Erika Brooks Adickman and Jeanne Leitenberg have created a website http://www.myparentsjoinedfacebook.com that is interestingly funny. It allows the kids to throw the pie back at the parents in a humorous way, as in a "back in your face" where kids want their parents to simply behave like parents.

At the end of the day, you'll realize that FB is all about each others space and not for parents to be monitoring their kids activities. For both the kids and the adults, we just need to delineate that space. After all, as adults, we were once kids and enjoyed the flow of fun before life eventually caught up on us. As for the kids, well, you'll soon be adults and some will eventually end up as parents, and you'll get the drift that your parents are probably going through now.

So the next time parents get the impulse to tag their kids as "friends", talk to them first if it's okay and not just ask permission in cyberspace. There's enough space to enjoy cyberworld. One click away should not create animosity in the family.

Letters from the heart

I am sharing with you two letters I received last birthday. They should be shared because they came from two really special people in my life - my niece Carla and nephew Charles.

I'm posting both their letters. At my age, they are my pride and joy. And I know that one day, they will succeed in life as well. Kids, thank you. My sister should be proud on how well she raised you. I can only watch from the sidelines now as I see you grow, knowing you're on solid ground. Strength comes from within the heart that loves and sees the good in what you do.


From Carla

Dearest Uncle B,

You are one of the best storytellers I have ever met. I'm sure all of your friends have once or twice been captivated by your sense of humor, how sarcastic it may be. Sunday dinner is never complete without your "kuwento" (stories).

But among your stories, I find YOUR story the best. Your journey to the top was not always a smooth ride. I know that there were many times when you could have just given up. Your determination, hard work and desire to provide the best for your family enabled you to overcome all obstacles.

Now that I'm about to graduate, you are my inspiration. I would also want to provide the very best to my family, even if it is just taking a little weight off the shoulders of mommy. I know that through God's blessings and you as my supportive uncle, I can make it happen.

Uncle, thank you for everything. Mommy always says that it is not your responsibility to provide for us. Yet you always do without complaints. Many people think that you are arrogant and self-centered, but I know that the real you is the opposite. Your endless kindness and generosity is something no man on earth can compare. Life would not be as fun and crazy without you.

You deserve to be where you are right now. May you continue to inspire young people through your work. May God grant you with even more blessings. I hope that someday I can return the kindness and generosity that you have given me. I love you very much.



From Charles

Dear Ate Charo,

Itago mo na lang ako sa pangalang "Soon-to-be Mr. Accountant".

Si Uncle B ay isang napakmalasakit na tao. Siya ay handang tumulong sa lahat lalo na sa kanyang pamilya. Siay ang tumutulong sa amin tuwing kami ay may kailangan lalo na sa pinansyal na bagay. Si Uncle B ang nagbigay sa amin ng kotse, laptop, computer, iPod at marami pang iba. Siya rin ang nagbigay sa amin ng oportunidad na makapunta sa iba't ibang lugar dito sa Pilipinas at sa ibang bansa. Si Uncle B ay tumutulong rin sa pagaaral namin, kasi nung hayskul ay siya ang nagbabayad ng aming mga libro. Siya rin ang aking "official school bus" ngayong nasa kolehiyo na nako, kahit na madalas ay nahuhuli na siya sa kanyang klase dahil hinahatid pa niya ako sa eskuwelahan.

Madrama rin ang buhay ni Uncle B. Parang Bahay ni Kuya. Naalala ko ang mga kuwento niya noon siya ay nasa Boston at nagaaral ng medisina. Hindi biro ang pinagdaanan niya para lamang umabot siya sa kinalalagyan niya ngayon.

Kahit sa kanyang mga kapwa-doctor ay handa siyang tumulong. Siya ang kumukupkop sa mga pasyenteng nagaagaw buhay at malala na ang kundisyon. At sa awa ng Diyos, napapagaling niya halos lahat ng kanyang mga pasyente.

Noong mga 11 years old ako, siya na ang tumayo bilang aking tatay. Siya yung pinakamalapit na halimbawa ng isang tatay noong mga panahon na naghahanap ako ng "father's image" sa aking buhay.

Si Uncle B rin and aking inspirasyon upang magtagumpay sa buhay. Gusto ko siyang tularan at maging matagumpay rin sa buhay. Gusto ko rin makatulong sa aking nanay tulad ng pagtulong niya sa kanyang ina. Kahit na si Uncle B ay napaka matagumpay na sa buhay ay nasa lupa pa rin ang kanyang mga paa.

Happy birthday! Nagmamahal,